For the majority of my life, I have been a master when it comes to the usage of words. Now, this does not mean I use them in a grammatically correct fashion. Nor do I always use the most extravagant word I can find in the thesaurus. I also sometimes cannot spell. I like to reuse words in the same paragraph for effect, and often I use the word “I” more times than I can count.
At the core, I’m just a damned good writer, and if there’s anything I’m confident about, it’s that. I write in a conversational manner, as if you are the one I’m speaking to and you alone. This is simply because I’m poor at proper conversation, but I’m great at imaginary arguments in the shower.
You see, being a good writer is about making it easy to read and comprehend – not to look smart. I want you to give me your undivided attention. This isn’t King James shit.
I’ve always been one to use my words for good whenever possible. Sure, I’ve had my moments where I’ve said things in anger. Then there have been instances in which I have even written a nasty private note to someone. But naturally, those are within the privacy of person to person. It’s more intimate, and as such, it’s more forgivable.
This does not factor in private phone calls with corporate customer service representatives. I have been known to raise a little hell with that, and while I do feel incredibly sorry about this, I think that at times I’ve been justified.
I’m looking at you, Synchrony Bank and your money-slut known as the Amazon Store Card. Stop charging my savings account. I’ve clearly entered the number for my checking fund – the one that actually has money.
What I’ve never encountered before, however, has been a personal experience with the public usage of negative words. I can honestly say I’ve never spoken out publicly in a way that does not bring about something positive or enlightening or humorous. That is… until recently.
I allowed myself to participate in such a way in the most dramatic way possible. Granted, I had placed myself in a couple of situations leading up to this that were not the most glorious, and I was angered.
Maybe this was justified. Maybe it was not. I had found myself in circumstances where I’ve felt lied to and taken advantage of, but that’s beside the point – the focus here is on me.
I spoke out in anger, and I did so very publicly.
Did it affect my career? No. I’m still making a living, and I’m doing just fine. There area few contacts I probably won’t be able to go back to, but I don’t see those as profitable ventures anyway.
Did it affect my personal life? Yes. I lost a couple of friends that I could genuinely call friends, and not the ones I would have expected to lose simply because I didn’t think about them in the process of my outrage.
What a damned shame.
I’ve attempted to become a proponent of not caring what others think (usually unsuccessful at this), but it’s hard not to do that when you genuinely care those others as human beings. So it’s an unfortunate loss, and it’s my fault. I should have kept my mouth shut.
As a master wordslayer, it’s a serious problem when I’m able to use my talents for bad. I suppose this can be said for any talented individual: don’t be evil. Be good. Be as good as you can be. Be so good that you shine with your talent and everyone benefits rather than hurts.
This was one moment I was honest-to-goodness bad and knew it, and it hurt me far worse than anyone else. Was I trying to hurt anyone? Eh. Probably not.
I was speaking out in an effort to clear my name, but it was the selection of my words and phrasing that completely butchered it. So I hurt others. Since I’m good at using written words, I used them in a negative light, and this ruined things for me.
At any rate, here we are. Life goes on.
Life hurts, but it goes on.
I was recently told to live my life like my grandfather was watching, and I can earnestly say that’s a good mantra to live by.
He was a good man. But I do know he had a few views that would be considered less than desirable by some. However, he was – as a whole – good and as pure as he possibly could be. I loved him for it.
I will likely continue to curse when I stub my toe or silently badmouth a client that is giving me an absolute pain in the butt (guys – it happens, so let’s be honest with ourselves). However, the public spread of negativity has to stop, and for the first time in maybe a long time, I found myself to be a contributor.
So world, I’m sorry for the public negative usage of my words.